a painful lesson

A couple of months ago, I wrote about the tragic death of Henry Granju, a beautiful 18 year old boy in Knoxville.   Since I learned of his story, I have followed the incredibly eloquent blog, written by his amazingly courageous mother, Katie Granju.  The honesty and candor and strength with which she writes about this most painful experience of her life takes my breath away. 

And its made me think about how we'll talk to our boys about drugs and addiction, once they're old enough to approach the subject. 

I grew up pretty naive about drugs.   Sure they were around, and I knew people who used them.  It never appealed to me.  I don't really know why.  I can't remember any specific time my parents sat me down and told me about drugs and how they can ruin your life.  I'm sure they told me, and I'm sure it went it one ear and out the other; typical teenage denial of  "this doesn't apply to me".  But still, I just had no interest in trying them. 

Henry's story has resonated with me because I look at my own children, as wonderfully innocent and naive as they are now, and know it won't always be this way.  Someday, they're going to find out the world isn't all video games and play dates, and vacations and friends and fun.  And before that day, we're going to have to approach many difficult subjects...one of them being drugs and addiction.  How to make the right choices in life, and the consequences that can occur.  That they are not invincible.  Bad things do happen to good people.

Henry grew up in a very loving, supporting, nurturing home.  A home just like ours.  His parents gave him so much to prepare him for life.  They did all the right things.  And yet, Henry became an addict.  Its so scary.  Terrifying.   Where were the signs this was going to happen?

Katie watched her son spiral out of control and tried to help him in so many ways.  But as he approached 18, he moved out and essentially became homeless in the last months of his life. Selling drugs to feed his own addiction.  Katie prayed he would get arrested and put in jail so he would be taken away from what was making him sick.  Unfortunately, he didn't get arrested and continued the downward spiral and on April 26th of this year, was found beaten and in a coma in someones' home who sold him drugs.  He spent the last month of his young life hospitalized fighting for his life, and lost his fight on May 31st.

Maybe there's nothing you can tell your kids to keep them from trying drugs.  Maybe no matter how much you love them, how much you talk to them and how open your relationship is with them, it just doesn't matter.   But I have to believe that talking to them, informing them, and doing your best to give them real life examples of what can happen when you don't make good choices....  Well, I have to believe it can make a big difference.  

Unfortunately it didn't make a difference for Katie, and for Henry.  She is sharing Henry's journal entries, their text records, photos of Henry during his last days in the hospital...  Sharing all of this looking for answers.  Looking for something she may have missed.  Something she could have done to prevent this.  The thing is, I don't think she missed anything.  I think drug addiction is so complex and once it has its grip on someone, its a cancer that can choke the life away from a person no matter what they do. 

I admire Katie so much for sharing this most painful, private family story with the world.  During her own time of loss and excruciating pain, she's making other people aware that this can happen to any child. 

I don't know this family personally.   But from reading Katie's blog, I do know she wants people to know Henry.  To know he was smart, beautiful, talented, and a loving brother and son.  I know she doesn't want what happened to Henry to happen to any other child. 

I feel grateful to know of Henry's story.  It hasn't been easy reading about it and feeling some of Katie's pain in my own heart.  Someday, when its the right time, I will tell my boys about Henry. That he liked to skateboard, and played guitar and practical jokes.  But that he never got to grow into a man and follow his dreams.  That taking drugs made him sick and took him away from his family.  And I will hope and pray that by talking about it together, they will choose as I did when I was younger... that drugs will never become a part of their lives.

Henry Louis Granju

We hear all too often of terrible tragedies that happen to families...some we know, some we don't.  And sometimes its just easier to protect ourselves from the pain...to not imagine what others are feeling or going through.  But sometimes, I hear of something another family is going through and I can't stop myself from reading all of it; every horrible excrutiating detail.  I don't know why I do it.  Maybe I need to be reminded of how lucky I am for all I have, and how fragile life is.  Maybe if we don't allow ourselves to pause from our own happiness and feel the pain someone else is feeling, we lose the ability to empathize.  Maybe if we aren't aware of the pain others are feeling, we take all the good things for granted.  Sometimes, I think we just need to be reminded life is astoundingly beautiful, and very difficult.

A few weeks ago, I came across this blog. I don't know this family but the mothers' words gripped me tightly and didn't let go.  It was too painful to read more than a couple of posts. I felt sick.  I shut it down with no intention of ever going back. 

And now here I am today, pulled back to her words, reading her latest updates and wondering how its possible she is surviving through this.  Writing about it with such grace and beauty.  The thought of losing your son after 18 years of nurturing him, teaching him, loving him, hugging him.   Losing him in such a senseless, harsh, cold, cruel way. 

Its just impossible to make any sense of it at all. 

I ache for this mom.  In her pain, she is doing a wonderful thing.  The family has established an endowed fund that will provide scholarships for families who cannot afford to pay for needed drug and alcohol treatment programs for their children.


The Henry Louis Granju Memorial Scholarship Fund
c/o Administrator: James Anderson
Morgan Stanley Smith Barney
2000 Meridian Blvd. Suite 290
Franklin, TN 37067

Maybe by posting this, a few more people will read about Henry and a few more dollars will go to help an addicted child in need.

I pray that I never face this kind of tragedy in my own family.  I can't bear the thought of it.