what they won't be getting

I'd like to know who is buying their child this for Christmas this year.   Of course, the commercial comes on TV during cartoons about six times an hour.  Logan, of course, thinks he wants it.  Its fun!  You feed the dog until his stomach gets extremely and then!  The dogs poops!  What Logan doesn't know is that I'm just going to hand him a shovel with a bow on it.  We have a whole pile of doggie doo right in our own backyard he is welcome to.

Seriously, who thinks of some of these toys?    I saw this at Target the other day and laughed out loud.  Actually, I bet its a pretty fun party toy.

While the toy makers are at it, maybe someone can invent some toys based around some other disgusting things, like "Who Clogged the Toilet", complete with tiny plungers.  Or how about, "Road Kill" stuffed animals?  "Autopsy Lab Kit", that would be fun.

How about Operation.  I HATED that stupid game when I was a kid.  I would literally hide it in the house somewhere far, far away so none of my friends would come over and see it, and suggest we play it.  If by some chance it was found and we had to play, I'd grasp those horrible tweezers while clenching up, waiting for the inevitable 'AUHHHNNNN' at 500 decibels.  I still hate that game.

There are disgusting toys, and then there are toys that are just super annoying and clearly were invented by people who don't have kids. This includes Moon Sand (have you ever tried cleaning that shit up?), Pixo's (those horrible tiny balls that will be from one end of your house to the other), and I'm sure some people won't agree but Zhu Zhu pets. Seriously. You throw it in the toy box and that thing goes thru its entire reel of sounds, squeals and giggles. There is no way to turn it off. Sometimes out of the blue when no one has been near the toy box for hours, it will just go off by itself.


I remember once when Dylan was a toddler, someone gave him a stuffed animal that came with a magic marker, so you could draw all over it.  What a stupid toy. Seriously?  I have been teaching him for three years NOT to draw on anything but paper and now this toy came along and undid that?  It got Freecycled immediately.

As I imagine many, many Doggie Doo games will be come January 4th, once the kids are back in school.

why do bad things happen to good people?

A friend of mine was diagnosed with breast cancer today. She is my age, she has three kids, and she such a smart, caring, giving, compassionate, beautiful person.


I’m mad as hell. I don’t understand.

Two days ago, I met another woman. My age, three kids. Active, healthy. A do-er. Was diagnosed with Stage IV breast cancer 2 years ago. Another friend, age 25, learned two weeks ago he had a tennis-ball sized tumor growing in his brain. What in the world is going on? Why is this happening to so many people?

As challenging as life can be sometimes, and as hard as things can feel, my old go-to is to say "Well, at least we have our health!".  But, what if you don't?

The prognosis for my friend is very good. But I’m still angry she will have to interrupt her life, her family, and undergo treatment and possibly surgery. She will never be the same. She will always be looking over her shoulder.

issues, issues

Its been a little while since my last post, and I'm gonna tell you why.  Something is up with Blogger.  Ugh!!  I have been unable to post any photos at all.  At first I thought it was because I reached the limit on photo storage for this sucker.   So I upgraded my storage over the weekend and now I'm still having problemos.

Words only, until the photo issues gets resolved.  Grrrrr.

halfway

We're midway through Spring Break week.  We opted for a staycation, full of local daytrips and adventures and surprises.   I had big ideas, big plans.  We'd sleep in, go wherever the wind blew us, see friends, play games, and just be in the moment.

I was high.

The truth is, life with kids...especially young kids....especially two young boys, I've come to believe; is totally unpredictable, full of close calls, near disasters, and moments that can make you think you're losing your mind.  Moments that make you wonder how much more you can take before you just open the bottle of vodka and pour it straight down your throat. 

Case in point.   Yesterday, rain was predicted.  (Did it rain?  No. It was sunny with blue skies, but don't even get me started.)  So we planned to meet my Mom for lunch, and then take the boys bowling.  Upon arrival at the restaurant, Logan's mood went from "super duper" to "I'm going to make your life a living hell" in about 3 seconds.   I had to physically remove him from the restaurant three times to try and diffuse the meltdown.  I don't even remember now what kicked it off, but I'm sure the people sitting at the tables around us won't forget us anytime soon.   We finally got him settled down, and proceeded to have a fun time bowling.  But upon arrival at home, he had another meltdown and by the time he went to bed last night, I collapsed into bed and was asleep before my head hit the pillow.

Today, we had plans to go to the National Zoo in DC with one of our neighbors.  We woke up early to get into the city.   Early bird gets the parking right?  Its the first nice weather day of spring break, and as we pulled into the zoo, about a BAZILLION people were pulling in at the same time.  We finally got a spot and started to navigate the (very hilly, very, very crowded) zoo.  Many of the exhibits are under construction and the animals who are there weren't all that into being watched and were hiding.  We did catch the orangutan's walking the ropes above the walking paths, and saw some cool tigers, and crocodiles once we forced our way through the masses. We managed to hike all the way up to the top of the park, and suddenly Logan had a very unpredictable, projectile vomit explosion all over the place.  Our zoo day came to an abrupt halt.  Back to the car, navigating through Cherry Blossom traffic for well over an hour to get back to VA.    With fingers crossed he didn't puke all over the car (he didn't).

We managed to save the day later by going for ice cream and getting some bike riding in, as soon as I figured out the vomiting seemed to be a single rogue session.

I guess the point is...parenting is hard.   Its unpredictable.  And you sweat and yell a lot.  You try to be flexible and you can try to predict and plan and expect how things are going to be, and then you can sit back and watch the chaos unroll.   No matter what you think is going to happen, you are always surprised.  Sometimes its a good surprise, surpassing your wildest dreams.   Other times, its gut-wrenching and leaves you with a feeling of defeat so strong its almost unbearable.

But you get up the next day, and you do it all over again.  Because the love you feel for your kids surpasses any other feeling on the planet.  You do it because when everything goes well, its better than winning the lottery.  And honestly, even when things start to fly out of control and you can't seem to make anyone happy, its a chance to learn something, a chance to try to do something better, something different.   Its a chance to show your kids that life isn't always easy, but you can't ever give up.   And its a chance for your kids to show you that it really doesn't matter what we do, as long as we do it together.

We're braving the odds and taking them to the circus tomorrow night.  Fingers crossed for lots of parking, no meltdowns and no puking.

Countdown to Snowpocalypse 2010

I spent my morning at the local Harris Teeter surrounded by frenzied shoppers gearing up for the Snowpocalypse of 2010. They're predicting a major snow event, maybe 24" or even more. It’s just completely wackadoo that we'd get double digit snow not just once but TWICE in one winter. When you see terms like crippling accumulations, and it also happens to be Super Bowl weekend, you know that means ONE THING and ONE THING ONLY. 

To the grocery store, pronto!

And there I was, among the harried, glaring shoppers heaving overflowing grocery carts full of Superbowl snacks, pet food, cereal, toilet paper and beer. I saw one lady with about 15 twelve-packs of Diet Coke in her cart and I just want to be at that lady’s house after she drinks the 40th can and is able to shovel her entire driveway in 45 seconds.


After an hour and a half of torturous shopping (A. I don't know where anything is in the store since I usually shop at my beloved Wegman's but I had a $10 offer Teeter coupon burning a hole in my pocket and B. Did I mention Logan was with me?), I got in line to pay and dropped a giant bottle of Spicy V-8 juice which exploded all over me and the floor, up my pants, in my shoes, and on my face. A bloody mess. I was trying to be a nice wife and buy it for Andrew to make Bloody Marys when we get snowed in this weekend (I don't even like Bloody Marys, I'm more of a mimosa kinda gal). It even splashed up and got in my eye, and then I was blinded and couldn't help the lady clean up the giant slippery puddle.  Hell, I could barely operate the debit card machine to finish my transaction.  Did I mention the entire time this was unfolding, Logan was yelling "I want a ballloooooooon!!!!"

And the 8 people behind me in line looked like they wanted to meet me in the parking lot for a serious ass kicking. Which I totally deserved.

Sigh.

On a positive note, Andrew and I had our babysitter come over last night while we attended a fancy awards dinner at the lovely Tysons Corner Ritz Carlton. It was AMAZING and yummy – filet mignon and lobster tail. Spectacular! Andrew was presented with his VIP award at this dinner with some of the highest partners in his firm there to do the hand shaking, and an honor it was, as only 24 awards were given out of over 5,000 IT employees. Soon we’ll get the travel website information to help us plan our vacation. We're looking forward to a quiet, relaxing and exotic destination (with no trips to the grocery store) to celebrate our 10 year wedding annivesary later this year. 

We also got to bring home the incredibly beautiful centerpiece from our dinner table.   This will definitely bring a bright spot to an otherwise cold and snowy weekend ahead.

so long, november

Its come to this. Blogging about the weather. But seriously. Seriously? Rain again today. It feels like its rained the entire month of November. Maybe these things become more noticeable when you have two little boys, asking feverishly every single day to get on the backyard trampoline and/or ride their bikes and scooters. And almost everyday this month, or so it seems, I've had to say no and then divert them to the Wii Fit and Wii Resort for some energy burning family room action or take them to a local kids gym for some open playtime. Or horrors, get out the Playdough again.

So out of curiosity, I looked up the total rainfall for this month here, and was shocked to see we are BELOW average for November. Seriously. Just slightly below, but still. So why does it seem like its been raining for a month?

Adieu, November. December, may you be dry and cozy. Like a Snuggie, only not as ugly.

lists and hiccups

It was a long, rainy weekend and although we did a whole lot of nothing, we actually got quite a few things crossed off the list.

• Hung new blinds in all upstairs windows - check
• Purchased new digital camera - check
• Carpets shampooed throughout house - check
• Eating our way through giant pile of FedEx'ed homemade cookies compliments of Grandma Celia - check
• Watched (again) Monsters vs. Aliens and heard 3 year old repeat over and over "I'm a brave, brave President!" - check

However, in the midst of it all, we had two little hiccups from which we're still recovering. Logan came down with Croup. And my laptop totally and utterly crashed.

Logan is on day 3 of steroids and it seems to have settled into a run-of-the-mill cold/cough. And with nice weather here again for the remainder of the week, hopefully we can get outside and get a good dose of natural Vitamin D.

Andrew completely disassembled my laptop last night and without going into a long, boring tirade full of angry, violent words about Microsoft Vista, let's just say he was able to miraculously save the day ONCE AGAIN with his sheer genius and computer know-how. I, on the other hand, would have probably dropped the computer off the roof just for the satisfaction of hearing it shatter all over the driveway. So although I'm back up and running, I'm a little lost without some of my files and saved interweb bookmarks. I'll live.

NO-gurt

From time to time, I see a product on TV and I think to myself, why? Why on Planet Earth would anyone in their right mind buy that ridiculous idiotic thing? Why, why, why? Why would someone spend the time and energy INVENTING such a ludicrous product? Most of the time, these thoughts come after viewing infomercials for such ridiculous adult products such as Tony Little's Gazelle Freestyle (well, honestly I don't know much about the product but I just can't get past the terrible ponytail) or the infamous Flowbee (it certainly does suck). And who could forget Spray on Hair (c'mon, who are you fooling and P.S. what will you do when the downpour starts?).

But sometimes, the pure idiocy comes in the form of kid products.

And I was just reminded of this after seeing a commerical for Danimals Crush Cups kids yogurt. What genius thought this up? Certainly someone who doesn't have children of their own. Is it so difficult to just use a spoon to eat your yogurt? Does crushing the plastic cup do something special to the flavor of the yogurt? Because giving your kid old an open tub of yogurt and a spoon isn't messy enough. Lets make him have to violently squeeze the yogurt over the top of the widely open container to get it into his mouth. And what about all the yogurt that is sure to be stuck to the inside? No amount of tongue action is going to get all that out of there, lets be honest. This product ranks right up there with such kids winners as candy cigarettes and lawn darts. Its just insanity, in the disguise of a high fructose corn syrup dairy snack.

Of course, my 6 year and 3 year old boys saw this and immediately tuned into the fact that its yogurt for barbarians, and insist we have to go buy some immediately.

Um, no.

We'll stick to eating our yogurt with a spoon, the good old fashioned civilized way. Or at least squeezing it out of a nice, skinny Gogurt plastic tube. Hey, I have an idea. How about kids yogurt with some added fiber? They have this for adults, I know, but lets package it up in a kid appealing container, throw some Disney characters on there so they'll eat it, and I bet Moms would buy it right up. Speaking as a Mom who feeds two messy boys three meals a day seven days a week, if I can find healthy foods that my kids like AND won't make a giant mess for me to clean up, I'm an instant fan.

You won't be finding any Crush Cups in my fridge in this century. But at the rate my boys' hair grows and the cost of haircuts these days, we just might have to give the ole' Flowbee a try.

if i were the President of shopping...

Okay. This issue has been on my mind for a while. But now that I have TWO mornings a week to run errands/go shopping with NO CHILDREN, its been pushed to the forefront and must be discussed.

I love me a good bargain, I do. Its true. For as long as I can remember, I've been a bargain shopper. I think it all started back 10th Grade, when I discovered Village Thrift Store and bought my entire back-to-school wardrobe for under $20. Really, those mens paisley suit vests over white undershirts were HOT back in those Pretty in Pink days.

Rarely, in my adult life, have I ever settled on paying full price for clothing or shoes, or furniture, or really hardly anything now that I think of it. I just can't do it. First, there is ALWAYS a sale at Kohl's. You'd be hard pressed to find anything in there that isn't marked down, at least a little. Second, once you get a taste for the thrill of finding a bargain, it becomes a whole story in and of itself. Its no fun telling someone who asks "Oh, thanks, I paid full price at the mall." It is however, really cool to tell someone "Oh, you'll never believe it. I was at the Eddie Bauer Outlet and this $70 sweater was in a box marked down to $7!"

Today I needed a new rug for the laundry room. The laundry room does not deserve a $45 rug at the mall. The laundry room deserves a $10 clearance rug at Marshalls.

However, herein lies my issue. WHY oh WHY can't I have my cake and eat it too? I get in line to pay for my $10 rug, and there is ONE REGISTER open. The same register that is open for returns and exchanges, mind you. I'm third in line, and I have a very precious few minutes left on the ticking clock before I have to go pick Logan up at preschool. PRECIOUS MINUTES I SHOULD NOT HAVE TO SPEND WAITING IN LINE TO PAY FOR A $10 RUG.

The one cashier is ringing up a lady, who is buying an obscene amount of clothing (probably to resell on eBay). Slowly, the line behind me is growing. 5, 6, 7 people now. The cashier gets on the paging system and calls (I think she was speaking English, but I can't be sure) for another cashier to assist. 1...2....3.....minutes go by. Nothing. She gets on again and calls for back up. Nothing. Nada. I look around, nervously glancing at the clock. Should I just put my rug back? Then it will have all been for nothing. So I wait. I notice there is not one, not two, but THREE store employees trying to hang up a sign not 20 feet from this first cashier. I know they've heard her asking for some reinforcement cashiers. But so into the sign hanging are they, that they blatantly ignore the now 9 people in line and their fellow overwhelmed employee. The lady behind me and I start a conversation. "I'm going to have to just leave" I say. "Me too, this is ridiculous. Its not rocket science, you know?"

Several more moments pass, I decide THIS IS IT. I walk over to the Three Siugn Hanging Mouseketeers and take notice one of their badges says MANAGER. "Excuse me, but you have an entire line of people getting ready ditch their purchases and walk out of your store if someone doesn't come over here and open another register." NOW she gets it and jumps to action. Well, I wouldn't say jump exactly, because just as the Main Sign Hanger Lady was about to come help us all, a more elderly employee materialized and honest-to-God the poor thing had to be taking a break from her oxygen treatment at the pace she was moving. And I thought "oh my Lord is this poor lady going to make it through the work day because the store has only been open for two hours and she looks like she might keel over before lunch break."

Bless her heart. But JEEZ LOUISE its like this every single time I go into one of these places.

And they're all the same. Walmart is the worst. I don't know why they bother to have 35 check out lanes in their stores because really, when have you ever been in there when they've had more than 6 open at a time? And just as a little sidebar, does Walmart not have the best people watching on Earth? They should charge admission to get in there! A friend recently told me about this website and trust me, if it doesn't make you laugh in loud and/or gasp in horror, nothing will.

Another pet peeve, and this goes for Target and Walmart.

When did they decide it would be a good idea for cashiers to no longer put your bags of stuff into your cart for you? Instead, they either pile them up at the end of the counter for you to retrieve, as you're also trying to prevent your three year old from shoplifting another candy bar and use your debit card at the same time, while your other child is ramming the cart into your leg. OR - and this one is the worst. They put your bags on those hanging turnstiles for you to retrieve. But then they start checking out the person BEHIND you before you've even put your things into your cart and before you know it, you have NO EARTHLY IDEA which bags are yours and which ones aren't. And when you get home and open 'your' bags, you find some items that oopsie you didn't buy. One day I came home from Target with an entire bag of toiletries and cold remedies that didn't belong to me.

Seriously. There has to be a better system. Remember the old days, when you could count on multiple registers being open, and the cashiers actually placed your bags into the cart? WHY oh WHY can't I have my cake and eat it too? Why can't you shop at stores that have nice, reasonable prices and get the same stellar service that you get at say... Nordstrom. I don't need sucking up to. Just a smile and a friendly hello. With unemployment where it is, you'd think there would be a whole selection of prime employees out there chomping at the bit to kick ass at work. Someday, when I'm President of Shopping, I'll get right on this.

and this is where I flash the middle finger

You just gotta love insurance companies.

M: "Hi, yes, I'm calling to see if our insurance covers a specific procedure (description follows)?"

Reply: "We aren't allowed to disclose that information. All I can do is direct you to our website, where you can look up our clinical policy bulletin. I'm not allowed to interpret that for you, you'll have to do that on your own."

M: ***** speechless ******** "So, let me make sure I understand. You're telling me you can't tell me I'm covered or I'm not covered for such and such procedure. I have to read words on your website and intrepret them myself. So basically what this means is you have a gigantic loophole meaning you basically won't have to cover anything if I intrepret it the wrong way?"

Reply: ****** silence ********* "Yes, you're going to have to go to our website ma'am."

You've got to be f-ing kidding me, right.

M: "What if I don't have internet access?"

Reply: "Do you have a public library near you?"

M: "What if this was 30 years ago, and there was no internet? Would I then be able to have an actual person answer my actual question, which by the way, seems pretty darn black and white to me?"

Reply: ******** silence ********* "Ma'am is there anything else I can help you with?"

M: "Considering I didn't really get much help in the first place, I'd say this call is over."