a bright light

Life is full of ups and downs.  I recently posted about our friend Doug, who is sadly and tragically losing his battle with cancer.  As he bravely faces the next few weeks while his family and friends rally to support him, our thoughts and hearts are with him.  Someone left his a message on his blog, and I think this is a really beautiful quote:

"People are like stained - glass windows. They sparkle and shine when the sun is out, but when the darkness sets in, their true beauty is revealed only if there is a light from within. "

- Elizabeth Kubler-Ross

As one light fades, another brightens.  We're so excited for our wonderful friends John and Paige, who have been on their journey to adopt a baby since the summer of 2008.  As all journeys go, theirs has been full of more ups and downs.  Last May, John fell and broke his hip and has since undergone two surgeries and weeks of physical therapy.  His most recent surgery was three days ago and everyone is hoping this will be the last. 
 
Their referral to adopt a beautiful baby boy from Korea finally came this past December 7th.  They'll be traveling to Korea to bring him home sometime in March.   These next weeks for them are going to filled with the sweet anticipation and preparation for starting the next chapter in their family.  We're so excited to meet Baby Carter and welcome him home!
 
As one light fades, another brightens.  And if you're lucky enough to feel the glow of someones' light, it can never go out.

how I amuse myself

Oh, Facebook.  You're sometimes informative, always entertaining, sometimes a source of reuniting old friends, sometimes a dialogue of ridiculous conversations that make you laugh out loud.   I certainly never thought I'd be into Facebook when someone first told me... I never wanted anything to do with My Space when that was the hot social networking site.  But the two are so different. Facebook is a way to stay connected, in touch, and share ideas.  And most people on FB have hit puberty, have jobs and aren't necessarily using the free computer at their high school library.  As a stay at home mom, my days aren't always chock full of contact with the outside world let alone much adult contact.  So FB is a glimpse into what's going on out there and a way to amuse myself.
This week, people have been playing a little game of posting photos of a celebrity they've been told they look like.   Yes, if you aren't on Facebook these are the games you're missing out on.  And also conversations like "if we woke up in prison together, what are the first four words you'd say to me?"  Remember in high school, those 'slam' books people would rotate, answering questions and making confessions?  Its sort of like that, but not in a spiral glitter notebook.

Here is Andrew's likeness (according to him....I happen to think he's much more handsome and doesn't look nearly as surprised, usually).  I'd say the warped, complex sense of humor, intelligence, wicked creativity and overall liberal philosophy on life is right on par with Kevin Smith though.

I thunk and thunk, but couldn't really think of any celebrity I've been told I resemble. Then my friend Jessica suggested Goldie circa 1966, and it sparked a memory .... My grandmother used to always tell me when I was younger I resembled a young Goldie Hawn.   What do you think?

steak rolls

Last night was Daddy and Me night at Logan's preschool.  It was a guys night out of 'fishing' and 's'mores' around the 'campfire' in Logan's classroom with his teachers and school mates. 

Dylan and I stayed home where he kicked my butt in every Wii game he challenged me too.  Even worse, Logan kicks my butt too, and I am really truly trying. 

(click to enlarge)

All I want to know is, what exactly is a steak roll?

Doug vs. Frank

Andrew's friend Doug is losing his battle with colon cancer.  He learned of his illness in March 2008, and has been fighting like hell ever since.  There have been ups and downs along the way, but recently the situation has taken a turn for the worse.  Two weeks ago he was told he has two months to live. 

He is married and has a son, Kyle, just a little older than Dylan, and they live in Florida.  Andrew and Doug performed in the collegiate circus at FSU together in the early 90's.  I didn't know Andrew then, but his tales of the circus days are always good entertainment and sometimes I do wish we had met in college, if not for any other reason, just so I could have been one of the girls he caught flying through the air.

When Doug learned of his cancer, he named his tumor 'Frank' and started writing a blog.   I learned of Doug and his blog from Andrew over a year ago and I've been reading ever since. 

I've been amazed at Doug's candor, his courage and his ability to look at his situation with humor.  I can't imagine what must Doug and his family must be going through.  How do you prepare yourself?  Your child?  Your wife?  How do you strike a balance between that preparation and living each day to the fullest in the short time you have left?

Doug made a Bucket List and published it on his blog last month. And on it are some of the simple pleasures in life. Things that the rest of us might take for granted. Things that we think we'll get done, someday.

Doug, you have taught me, there are no guarantees.  Live today.

Andrew recently wrote Doug a letter, with these beautiful words:

"And in my mind you will live beyond your too short time on this Earth, as you will in the minds and hearts of everyone you’ve met, and the thousands that have read your brave words, which will inspire people to fend off their own 'Franks'. You will live forever in the soul and in the eyes of your son, and the heart of your wife."

Doug, you are bold, beautiful and brave.  Your heart will live on forever, my friend.

Haiti

This past Monday was the MLK holiday, and schools were closed.  We took the opportunity to hang out with my Mom, Aunt Jessica (my SIL) and my niece and nephew for the day.  The weather was beautiful and mild, and we took the kids to lunch and were heading back to my house for an afternoon of playing together.

On our way home, we came upon a bustling bake sale in the parking lot of a little store near my house.  Enthusiastic kids, moms and dads were waving drivers in, balloons were flying and all the signs said "Cupcake Sale" and "Kids 4 Haiti".  Of course we pulled in.

We live in a bubble and I know in all honesty, my kids will probably, hopefully, never have to think about being hungry or cold, or not having any shoes or clean clothes to wear.  There isn't a day that goes by I'm not thankful for all we have and can give to our kids.  One of my friends was recently telling her third grade son about what's happening in Haiti and that the people there don't have enough to eat.  He replied "Well, why don't they just go to Costco and buy more?".  Its just beyond their comprehension what it would mean to be hungry, to not have dry clean clothes and a bed to sleep in.  I can't even imagine it myself.

I have seen images of some of the children in Haiti, who are now burned beyond recognition, parentless, homeless, and it makes my heart hurt. 

When the tragedy in Haiti occurred, Andrew and I sat down to talk to Dylan about it.  We showed him where Haiti was on Google Earth, and talked about what happened there.  We didn't share any pictures with him....we've always been very consistent about not watching the news when the kids are awake.  They're always listening, even when we think they aren't, and the world is just too scary sometimes.  We'd rather tell them of events in terms we think they can understand.  And we tried to put Haiti into terms he could comprehend.  Not to scare him, but just to make him aware that sometimes horrible things happen to innocent people and we have to be grateful for everyday we live. 

We told him we were making a small donation to Red Cross, and that if lots of people all made a small donation, more people there could get the water and food and medicine they need.  We thought briefly he was going to offer some of his own Christmas money.  We didn't expect him to, but really the point was to have him understand when tragedies like this happen, its important to have compassion and try to help people. 

So, on Monday, we pulled into this bake sale.   There were tables and tables of cupcakes, every color imaginable. Cookies, brownies as far as you could see.  And so many smiling kids and their parents, all spending their day off of school and work trying to raise money for the people of Haiti.  There were no prices.  You chose what you wanted and donated what you could.  And it was just swarming with people waiting for a parking space to open up.

People pulling in to buy a cupcake or two, just to feel in some small way, they were helping.

Today, I saw in our local paper that cupcake bake sale on Monday raised $5,789 for Haiti.  The woman who organized it said the money she thought she'd raise over the entire day was raised in the first hour.  Here is a video of her talking about the idea, and how it came about in a very short amount of time.  (Click on Kids 4 Haiti on right side, it won't let me embed this clip into my post).

I'm so sorry for the pain and suffering so many are enduring in Haiti.  And I'm not implying that buying a few cupcakes is going to solve the problems of the world.  But it at least reminded me that sometimes the biggest tragedies bring out the very best in people, and sometimes we have to look for the that little silver lining and embrace it.

hot topics (but not that hot)

I've been volunteering at Dylan's school in his language arts class for a couple of months now.  Language arts is a two hour block of time each day where the kids in his homeroom first grade class are divided into other classes with peers at a similar level/skill.  They focus solely on reading, spelling and writing since these are such enormous building blocks on which so many other academic skills will build.

I decided to volunteer in this particular part of Dylan's school day because he's had minor struggles in writing and reading... I thought it would be helpful to observe him myself, get to know the two teachers better and it would help me assist Dylan better with homework and reading at home if I knew how they teach him at school.  And its definitely done all of those things, and more.  They're at the halfway point of the year and he's made tremendous progress since early fall.

On Thursday mornings, his language arts class has their weekly library time.  And I happen to be there during that time shelving books because Logan is with his speech therapy teacher for 30 minutes and I have to wait for him.  When its time for Dylan's class to check out books, they are allowed to get two - one from the easy fiction section, and one from the non-fiction area.

So what do first graders want to read about?  I've learned its very, very predictable.  All the girls want books about Tinkerbell, fairies, princesses and horses.

The boys?

Take one guess.  Here are the subjects of interest to six year old boys:  monster trucks, the human body (specifically guts, instestines, brains and blood), volcanoes and tornadoes, motorcycles, Star Wars and did I mention monster trucks?

Well, today apparently the hot subject was ghosts.  Because this afternoon, Dylan's teacher, who is the kindest, sweetest most patient women in the world, emailed me.  Apparently, some of the kids in his class got a hold of a book about ghosts and took it back to class and starting to discuss ghosts and curses.  One little boy wrote down "A ghost is going to come to (our town) in five years and steal everyone's body".   I guess some of the kids freaked out and the assistant teacher felt Dylan was a little traumatized.  So she just wanted to give me a head's up in case he talked about this tonight when he came home.

He didn't know she emailed me, and it was indeed the first topic when he stepped off the bus today.  "Mom, there was this book about ghosts today and what are curses and spirits?"  And it just went on from there.

So we had a long talk about ghosts and spirits and I think I covered it all in a non-scary way.  I'm sure this won't be the first time he sees and hears things at school that raise serious questions.  I just hope next time its not that someone snuck an issue of Playboy to school and passed it around the lunch table.  I have a few more years before that happens, right?

early life lessons

Conversation last night before bed with Logan (age 3)....

L:  "Do you like me Mom?"

M:  "I better than like you.  I like you and I love you very, very much."

L:  "Mom, are you proud of me?"

M:  "I sure am, I'm very proud of you."

L:  "Good. I like when you proud of me.  It makes my day better."

I thought that was pretty insightful for someone his age. 

Its true, you learn what you need to know to get through life at a very young age.

love you like a milkshake

Last week, Andrew was awarded the biggest honor his company awards.  And so I want to take a moment and share with you just how amazing he really is.  He works so hard, but always puts his family first.  He comes home every night, ready to share his day, help me with dinner and the boys after working hard all day.  He sometimes is under stress, but manages to balance it all without complaining.  He works really, really hard.  And I'm proud of him. 

This week, momentos of this honor have been showing up at our house.  An engraved invitation to a fancy pants awards ceremony and dinner he and I get to attend in a couple of weeks.  A giant basket full of wine and fruit congratulating him from one of the big bosses. 

Its nice to see him recognized for his hard work and dedication.  Because you know, he's a great guy.  The best I've ever known.    And its nice that so many other people think so, too.

This is a photo of us taken this past weekend at my high school alumni event (which was a huge success and lots of fun!).

And there's more.  Included as part of this award is a firm-sponsored vacation, to a destination of our choice, sometime this year.  Free airfare, hotel and rental car.  Anywhere we choose in the U.S., Hawaii, Mexico, Caribbean or Canada.  Wow, I am so excited!  First, we haven't taken a vacation, just the two of us, since before I was pregnant with Dylan. That's over 8 years!  Second, this year is our 10th wedding annivesary, a perfect time to spend time reconnecting and reflecting on everything we've accomplished together in our first ten years together.

We'll be renewing our expired passports which haven't left the country since our honeymoon to Nevis, and doing research on just where exactly we should take this little adventure!  I'll be updating and sharing information as we plan this, I'm sure. 

I'm so proud, and so lucky to have such an amazing husband.   Well done, honey. You pretty much rock my world.

friday debacle

6:30 a.m.   Alarm goes off.   Turn it off (snooze button is broken), fall back to sleep. 

6:49 a.m. Wake up again.  Uh oh.   Fly out of bed.  Wake Dylan.  Get in the shower.  Eat breakfast.  Tell Dylan to get his shoes on.  Tell Dylan to get his coat on.  Tell Dylan to get his backpack on.   Ask myself why we have to tell him to do the same thing. Every. Single. Day.

7:28 a.m.  Walk Dylan to bus stop, barely making it.  Kiss him.  Give him a noogie and put him on bus.

8:15 a.m.  Vacuum the house. Clean some bathrooms.  Change sheets on boys beds.  Stop in between chores to entertain Logan who makes three messes for every one mess I clean up.

10:45 a.m.  Realize Logan is no longer in basement with me (where I am attempting to vacuum up an entire graveyard of hideous spider crickets that invade our basement and die down there, shriveled into crispy nasty corpses, some of which are too big to fit up my vacuum hose).   Go upstairs to family room to find him.

10:46 a.m.  Where it has apparently snowed.  Logan has taken a large piece of white stryrofoam and has smashed it into a katrillion tiny static-y foam balls all over the family room. The family room that I just spent all morning cleaning.   There are teeny white foam balls everywhere.  Including all over Logan.  And the coffee table.  The carpet.  The couch.  The dog.   So full of static they can't be brushed off by hand.

10:50 a.m.  Turn on vacuum cleaner again and vacuum off my son, the coffee table, under the coffee table, the carpet, the couch and myself.  Have you ever had to vacuum yourself or your child?  I didn't think so.

11:20 a.m.  Make early lunch for Logan, Andrew (who is working at home) and me.  Early lunch because I have to leave soon for doctors appointment.  A double doctors appointment where I am having some follow up done from my annual check up with my midwife last week.  Pelvic sonogram and mammogram just to check some things out.

12:20 p.m.  Peel out of garage to head to doctors office. Cell phone rings, its a friend regarding our high school happy hour event tomorrow night.  Rings again, its someone from the restaurant where happy hour is taking place. Rings again, another friend.

12:44 p.m.  Walk into appointment.  Receptionist asks me for the form my doctor gave me to bring to my appointment.

12:45 p.m.  Blank Face.  SHIT.  I forgot the forms at home.   Can I just call my other doctor and have them fax another form over?   Of course not. They close at noon on Fridays.   Can I just have Andrew fax a copy over?  Call him, can't get fax machine to work.

12:50  Receptionist informs me I'll have to reschedule, they can not perform a procedure without the doctors order.  

12:52  Back in car to drive home, get the order form for mammogram which is scheduled for 1:45.  Maybe all is not lost... I can make it back in time for that part.  Maybe they can fit in the pelvic afterwards if someone cancels.

12:53  Cell phone rings some more. Fly down the road to get home, pick up forms.

1:15   Grab forms from Andrew's hand, get back in car, still on cell phone, fly back down the road back to doctors office.

1:40  Arrive for mammogram.  Get undressed.  Wasn't supposed to wear deoderant today.  SHIT.  Wipe it off.

1:50  Have boobs flattened into giant flesh pancakes inside the horrific machine that clearly, only a man could have invented.  The woman says "I apologize ahead of time if I hurt you, it’s not personal" as she hits the button and man-handles my voluptuous girls onto the machine platform and compresses them into crepes.

2:20  Get re-dressed.  Beg them to fit me in for the pelvic sono so I don't have to reschedule. "I'll have to see......", she says.  "You might have to wait a while."  Fine.

2:45  Undressed again, in gown (why do they even put ties on them, they never match up or make any sense?) in waiting room. Thank goodness for Blackberry and Real Simple magazine.  Not allowed to go pee, bladder has to be full for pelvic.   Its been over three hours since I've peed.

3:15   Still waiting.

3:30  Still waiting.  Crossing legs.  Must pee soon.

3:45  "Okay, follow me."   .......  fast foward to giant electronic light sabre wand going into my delicate woman parts.  Again, clearly designed by a man.  I almost pee right there on the table throughout the pushing and prodding.  "Hmmmmmmm, yepppppppp,  ummmmmmm  everything looks okaaaaay".   

4:22  Run to bathroom.  Pee about 3 bladders full.

So that was my day.  But at least I'm healthy, and I'm thankful for that.

January Christmas

Logan practiced his Christmas songs at preschool really, really hard all of December.  And then came the snow.  The weekend before Christmas, we got that mongo-snow here and it cancelled everything including school.  So, in lieu of a pre-holiday program, his preschool decided to hold the event post-holiday, yesterday.  All the kids came, decked out in their most festive attire, and sang their little hearts out.  

Logan never told us what song(s) he was singing, even when we asked.  He once told us "We Will Rock You", with a smirk on his face.  So until we arrived yesterday, we really didn't know what we'd be seeing.  The children sang 8 or 9 songs, complete with hand motions and it was utterly adorable.  Logan was in the front row, with his little argyle sweater on, singing his heart out, ringing his jingle bells and taking it all very, very seriously.  When I think about where we were with Logan just a year ago... with his speech delay, his behavior issues.  How hard he's worked, how hard we've all worked.  To see him on that stage singing and feeling so important....it was completely overwhelming.

It was a stressful morning at our house that morning before we went to school, and I wasn't exactly in a sunshine kind of mood.  But in that moment watching him, so innocent and proud, I felt my heart fill completely up and overflow until my eyes welled over and my nose got itchy.  It was just what I needed... a reminder of a love so deep and unconditional, it can actually take your breath away and make your heart stop beating and float above your body.

tunes

An iPod.  That's what Andrew got me for Christmas and its been so much fun loading it up with all my old favorites and new stuff.  We have an iPod docking station in our kitchen and I've been listening to my tunes while cooking or just hanging.  And man, is it good to be back into music again. 

Its not often I'm in my car alone.  So when I'm driving the boys around, I'm  usually hearing dialogue from one of the bazillions of kids movies we own.  I've never figured out how to get the headphones to work in the car for them.  And then, horror of horrors, a kids CD got stuck in my player several months ago and I didn't even have the option to listen to anything else but the radio. Which, lets be honest, 95% of the time, just plain sucks.  The kids band guys are friends of ours and as far as kids music goes, they are awesome.  But when I'm alone in my car, I don't want to hear music about the 50 states or brushing my teeth.

So, a whole, blank iPod to fill up with 1,000 songs of my choosing.  Wow.  Music has always played such a huge part in my life, and I knew filling it would be an on-going task.  First, I raided Andrew's iTunes catalogue.  He has similar musical tastes to mine (great, if I do say so myself) so that gave me quite a bit to start out.  Vampire Weekend, Kings of Leon, Death Cab for Cutie, Yeah Yeah Yeah's, Iron and Wine, The Shins...  Then it was onto our basement CD rack that holds the soundtracks of our high school and college years.  Hundreds of CD's down there and I spent a good three days scouring the racks to download some old favorites by U2, Pixies, Janes Addiction, The Cure, Depeche Mode, New Order, Cowboy Junkies, Beastie Boys and the occassional Booty Jams.  Then the beyond-the-college-years... Dave Matthews Band, David Gray, Interpol, Coldplay...   Then my brother turned me onto Phoenix, and Peter, Bjorn and John.  Good stuff.  Good, good stuff.

I love how music can take you to a completely different place.  It can set a mood, calm your soul and bring on a memory.  It can make you dance, make you cry, and fill your heart.

I recently reunited on Facebook with an old friend from high school (isn't FB great for that), to discover we have a common passion for similar music and for writing.  I don't think we even knew it back in high school.  We've been sharing band recommendations back and forth, and then I found her blog, and its great and smart and inspiring.  So happy to find you again, Ruth!

Here's to old friends, new music, and the 543 spots left on my iPod for some good tunes.

high school hair

In less than two weeks, we're going to a little high school rendezvous in Maryland.  My Mom is taking the boys for the night and we're going to meet up with some of my old high school friends.  Not everyone can make it, but it will be fun to catch up on old times and spend an evening among adults (even if we all end up acting like kids again).

In honor of that occasion, I present to you my High School Look.  This is my best friend Amy and I in her Pontiac Sunbird in the parking lot before our Senior Banquet.  And those are root beers, I swear.  I was totally ahead of my time with the There's Something About Mary look, don't you think?

baby its cold outside

We've finished off this winter break with some bitterly cold weather.  I'm talking 45 mph wind gusts bone chilling don't make me leave the house coldness.  Butt-cheek-clenching cold.  And for the most part, we've been taking  it easy, laying low, putting away all traces of Christmas, watching the boys perform WWF on each other and renting a lot of movies from Redbox.  The kids return to school tomorrow and its back our regular routine. 

However, yesterday we decided to embark on our first field trip of 2010.  We set off in the bitter cold to the city, hoping for rock star parking and the promise of adventure of a new museum.  The Newseum in DC opened this past April and is privately owned (not part of the Smithsonian Institute).  Its a huge museum, 250,000 square feet with seven levels and encompasses five centures of news media.  Fascinating for us...for the kids, not so much.  But I think they were just so happy to be out of the house, it didn't matter where we went.

First stop, the Berlin Wall.  The exhibit contains the largest display of portions of the original wall outside of Germany. It features eight concrete sections of wall, each weighing about three tons. A three-story East German guard tower that loomed near Checkpoint Charlie stands nearby as well.

We checked out the amazing Sports Illustrated Photography of Walter Iooss.  Unbelieveable that he started his career at 16 years old.  Absolutely gorgeous photos of athletes from all shades of life.

We took in the Woodstock exhibit, Manhunt: Chasing Lincoln's Killer, the FBI exhibit including the Unabomber’s cabin, Patty Hearst’s coat and a life size real model of the car the DC Snipers used as their shooting nest.  It was hard to explain this part of the museum to the kids... hard to explain why there are crazy people in this world and how they can often look just like everyone else.   

But particularly haunting and jarring was the 9/11 exhibit.  I didn't realize the magnitude of what I would feel when we wandered into that part of the museum.  It was so utterly silent, though filled with people.   A single box of tissues sat on the wall outside of a small documentary theatre that I couldn't bring myself to go into.  And a multiple story wall full of front pages of  newspapers from all over the world that day...

The top of one of the World Trade Centers buildings.  A twisted mass of rusty metal that seems as if its a movie prop or some massive abstract steel sculpture.  Even taking a photograph of it felt wrong; like I was breaking a sacred code.

As you circle around it, chronological photographs tell the story of that day.   From what started as a serene, beautiful morning of blue skies and turned into a horrendous day of death that would change the world forever.  And the photos that always get to me the most... the people free falling from the burning towers to their tragic and very untimely deaths. 

How do you explain any of this to your children?  We didn't let the boys spend too much time in this area either.  I know someday we will have to explain to them what happened that day and how the world was changed forever.  I would like to go back to museum someday, no kids, and spend time focused on the photos and artifacts more instead of feeling like I needed to rush through to shield them from these images.

We tried to lighten the mood by looking at photos of all the presidents First Dogs. And, the boys had their photo taken with the News Hound (or puppy, as Logan called him).

Afterwards, we braved the icy winds and walked a few blocks to Rosa Mexicana for a feast most delicioso.   Fresh guacamole prepared tableside and served in a molcajete with petite warm corn tortillas.  Andrew enjoyed the Mole de Xico beef enchiladas.  The mole sauce was made with raisins, plantains, hazelnuts, pine nuts and mulato, ancho and pasilla chiles. Very rich, very complex flavor and delicious.  I had the grilled skirt steak tacos marinated in guajillo and pasilla chiles, garlic, cumin and black pepper with melted Chihuahua cheese.  My meal came with corn esquites which is something I'm going to have to to replicate at home.  It was my favorite part of the meal.  And the kids loved their refried black beans and quesadillas.  It was muy bueno and a great way to end our field trip into the city!