a lesson in parenting

I have written many times about Logan, his speech and sensory issues, and how challenging life with him can be at times. Logan, someday when you're reading this I know we'll have a good laugh about how you turned our hair gray and caused us a few heart attacks in your short first two and a half years. I love you buddy, but you can be a tough pill to swallow sometimes.

Its been about a year since we started noticing Logan's behavior had some real quirks. We began seeking advice, help and ultimately some therapies to help him. Its been an emotional roller coaster, a learning experience and a time we've both had to dig deep and come to the realization that parenting is, by far, the hardest job on the face of the planet.

Throughout this past year, we've met many doctors and therapists, and bent many a friends' and families' ear on the trials and tribulations of life with Logan. We're lucky to have all of these people in our lives to help us become better parents and to help give us the knowledge and strength we need to do the right thing for both of our children.

A friend of ours, who is a therapist, came over this morning and spent 2 1/2 hours with us and Logan, giving us tons of new ideas to try and books to read. We're so lucky to have her as a resource. As we've learned, so many kids with speech issues also have sensory issues and often need help in both areas. The theory is until kids have a mature and functional sensory system, their language development can become stuck in a bit of a holding pattern.

On what we feel is a related note, Logan has always been a very poor sleeper, and a very picky eater. Both of these, we believe, are major influences on behavior as well. We've tried every type of environmental and behavioral approach known to man to help his sleeping issues, and we've gotten no where. With some guidance and research, we're starting a couple of homeopathic things to help supplement his diet and help his sleeping. The theory with kids with sensory issues like Logan is that they are living all day at full throttle, so come night, its hard for their bodies to settle down. They don't produce enough melatonin naturally to help them sleep all night. We're trying 3 mg of melatonin crushed up his almond milk he gets before bedtime. I don't know if it was coincidence but he slept great last night. We'll see over time. It can't hurt him, there are no negative side effects or chemicals. This won't be forever, but if its a way to help train his body to have a regular sleep pattern, we have to try.

The other thing we're going to try is a fish liver oil supplement. There is a homeopathic pharmacy near us and they sell it in liquid form, its strawberry flavored and has a combined 1,000 mg of DHA and EPA with good fat to help brain development. Many parents who have kids with autism, ADHD, and sensory issues use this supplement and see a difference in behavior. In fact, teachers who have kids diagnosed with ADHD have reported a noticeable different in behavior if they children skip even one dose. Again, if its hogwash, it certainly can't hurt him by taking it, its all natural. We're going to give to Dylan too. Neither of the kids eat fish at all and the health benefits are proven.

We've learned that kids with disorganized sensory systems need deep pressure massage when they losing control and having meltdowns. Its a total calming mechanism that not only distracts them from the downward spiral, it helps them organize their bodies and feel in control again. Our friend showed us how to make this fun and make a "Logan pizza" or a "Logan taco" or a "Logan carwash" between two pillows. He has to squirm to set himself free, and all along, he's getting massage therapy and doesn't even know it. She had us buy some 2 lbs pilates balls to use for massaging him, or putting them in his backpack for him to carry around. We got him an electric toothbrush to stimulate his mouth and a mini-trampoline so he can jump when he's craving that deep pressure in his joints. Again, he doesn't know this is what his body needs (someday he will be able to verbalize this) but for now, he just knows what feels good to him. He thinks all of this is a game, but really it's all ways to give him the stimulation he is seeking and doesn't even realize. Logan is a sensory seeker. He will jump off the bed and hit the floor as hard as he can, because his body is seeking stimulation to organize itself. He will eat garlic croutons and drink grapefuit juice because he craves strong flavors. He does everything with 200% effort and ends up hurting himself half the time because he craves that high level of stimulation.

What we have to do is provide him ways of coping - whether its massage, whether its an electric toothbrush, swinging, whatever it is that can help calm him down when things start to feel out of control to him. Eventually he will mature out of this. I'm just so glad we caught on so early that something was off and we have found so many people to help us help him.

I think everyone has sensory issues to some extent. Whether we like to be hot or cold, whether we like sour foods or salty, whether we like lots of blankets when we sleep or nothing on us, etc. Andrew cannot have his feet covered when his sleeps. I cannot drink room temperature drinks, they have to be ice cold. So many things in our lives are driven by our senses and what we prefer. Logan just has some really extra specific needs when it comes to his preferences and what feels good to him. I am completely and utterly fascinated by all of this, and I'm reading everything I can get my hands on to better understand it all.

It isn't always easy. As parents, we have to just dig deep and change our parenting style a little bit. Logan isn't being difficult out of spite or on purpose. Something doesn't feel right to him and we do things to help him feel better and learn what those things are. This is not to say we need to walk on eggshells or bend the rules or make special exceptions for him. He will abide by the same rules we have set for Dylan in our house. But putting Logan in 500 time outs a day isn't the way to go. We have to learn to recognize what is setting him off and offset his tantrums by addressing his behavior with some sensory input before he spirals out of control.

They say you learn as much, if not more, from your kids as they learn from you. I am learning so much from having Logan in my life. And Dylan teaches us so many different things too. There certainly isn't just one way to parent, or a right way, and you can't parent two kids exactly the same way.

This is the time of year we reflect on what we're thankful for. I am thankful for so many things. But I am especially thankful for the gift I've been given to help raise these two beautiful, amazing children and to do it with a man who is my partner and the love of my life. It isn't always easy. It isn't always fun. Parenting is, by far, the hardest job on the face of the planet. But the rewards are beyond measure.