if i were the President of shopping...

Okay. This issue has been on my mind for a while. But now that I have TWO mornings a week to run errands/go shopping with NO CHILDREN, its been pushed to the forefront and must be discussed.

I love me a good bargain, I do. Its true. For as long as I can remember, I've been a bargain shopper. I think it all started back 10th Grade, when I discovered Village Thrift Store and bought my entire back-to-school wardrobe for under $20. Really, those mens paisley suit vests over white undershirts were HOT back in those Pretty in Pink days.

Rarely, in my adult life, have I ever settled on paying full price for clothing or shoes, or furniture, or really hardly anything now that I think of it. I just can't do it. First, there is ALWAYS a sale at Kohl's. You'd be hard pressed to find anything in there that isn't marked down, at least a little. Second, once you get a taste for the thrill of finding a bargain, it becomes a whole story in and of itself. Its no fun telling someone who asks "Oh, thanks, I paid full price at the mall." It is however, really cool to tell someone "Oh, you'll never believe it. I was at the Eddie Bauer Outlet and this $70 sweater was in a box marked down to $7!"

Today I needed a new rug for the laundry room. The laundry room does not deserve a $45 rug at the mall. The laundry room deserves a $10 clearance rug at Marshalls.

However, herein lies my issue. WHY oh WHY can't I have my cake and eat it too? I get in line to pay for my $10 rug, and there is ONE REGISTER open. The same register that is open for returns and exchanges, mind you. I'm third in line, and I have a very precious few minutes left on the ticking clock before I have to go pick Logan up at preschool. PRECIOUS MINUTES I SHOULD NOT HAVE TO SPEND WAITING IN LINE TO PAY FOR A $10 RUG.

The one cashier is ringing up a lady, who is buying an obscene amount of clothing (probably to resell on eBay). Slowly, the line behind me is growing. 5, 6, 7 people now. The cashier gets on the paging system and calls (I think she was speaking English, but I can't be sure) for another cashier to assist. 1...2....3.....minutes go by. Nothing. She gets on again and calls for back up. Nothing. Nada. I look around, nervously glancing at the clock. Should I just put my rug back? Then it will have all been for nothing. So I wait. I notice there is not one, not two, but THREE store employees trying to hang up a sign not 20 feet from this first cashier. I know they've heard her asking for some reinforcement cashiers. But so into the sign hanging are they, that they blatantly ignore the now 9 people in line and their fellow overwhelmed employee. The lady behind me and I start a conversation. "I'm going to have to just leave" I say. "Me too, this is ridiculous. Its not rocket science, you know?"

Several more moments pass, I decide THIS IS IT. I walk over to the Three Siugn Hanging Mouseketeers and take notice one of their badges says MANAGER. "Excuse me, but you have an entire line of people getting ready ditch their purchases and walk out of your store if someone doesn't come over here and open another register." NOW she gets it and jumps to action. Well, I wouldn't say jump exactly, because just as the Main Sign Hanger Lady was about to come help us all, a more elderly employee materialized and honest-to-God the poor thing had to be taking a break from her oxygen treatment at the pace she was moving. And I thought "oh my Lord is this poor lady going to make it through the work day because the store has only been open for two hours and she looks like she might keel over before lunch break."

Bless her heart. But JEEZ LOUISE its like this every single time I go into one of these places.

And they're all the same. Walmart is the worst. I don't know why they bother to have 35 check out lanes in their stores because really, when have you ever been in there when they've had more than 6 open at a time? And just as a little sidebar, does Walmart not have the best people watching on Earth? They should charge admission to get in there! A friend recently told me about this website and trust me, if it doesn't make you laugh in loud and/or gasp in horror, nothing will.

Another pet peeve, and this goes for Target and Walmart.

When did they decide it would be a good idea for cashiers to no longer put your bags of stuff into your cart for you? Instead, they either pile them up at the end of the counter for you to retrieve, as you're also trying to prevent your three year old from shoplifting another candy bar and use your debit card at the same time, while your other child is ramming the cart into your leg. OR - and this one is the worst. They put your bags on those hanging turnstiles for you to retrieve. But then they start checking out the person BEHIND you before you've even put your things into your cart and before you know it, you have NO EARTHLY IDEA which bags are yours and which ones aren't. And when you get home and open 'your' bags, you find some items that oopsie you didn't buy. One day I came home from Target with an entire bag of toiletries and cold remedies that didn't belong to me.

Seriously. There has to be a better system. Remember the old days, when you could count on multiple registers being open, and the cashiers actually placed your bags into the cart? WHY oh WHY can't I have my cake and eat it too? Why can't you shop at stores that have nice, reasonable prices and get the same stellar service that you get at say... Nordstrom. I don't need sucking up to. Just a smile and a friendly hello. With unemployment where it is, you'd think there would be a whole selection of prime employees out there chomping at the bit to kick ass at work. Someday, when I'm President of Shopping, I'll get right on this.